The Mayor wants Head Lifeguard Notch Johnson out of Malibu Adjacent, and she's recruited Kimberlee Clark to join his squad and get the low-down on him by wearing a mini-camera. She thinks that her wor…

A unpopular girl, doesn't have a date for ""Clamapolooza"" in a end party for the college students spring break. She starts to polute the beach to close this event.

When Jamaica is blackmailed into running drugs for a gangsta, Notch insists upon taking her place as the "mule". After all, who else can swallow 13 cocaine-filled condoms and then swim two miles? Also…

Notch is distraught when his step-father, local Indian Chief Pokemon, passes on, and a local casino developer convinces the Kahonee Tribe to construct a casino on their land. Although the deal's crook…

When Little Peter Gozinya disappears on the beach, Notch and the gang mobilize to find him. And also mobilize to repeal the Mayor's ban on thong bikinis. Which effort will prove successful?

The Mayor with help from The Professor, plot to take over Notch's job and the beach with three beautiful robot lifeguards.

When BJ muffs a save, she goes into an identity crisis and ends up in the care of The Divine Rod, who runs a home for lost women. And runs a web-site where people pay to watch the women, and Rod, um, …

When the world's most dangerous tsunami, Miso Honei, is detected rushing at Malibu Adjacent, the Mayor senses a media event and tries to get Notch to surf it. He refuses until the Mayor grants a parol…

When Notch and the girls travel to the South American nation of Humidor to stop a military coup, they end up in prison instead. The shackles aren't so bad, but the all-bean diet? Ai, ai, ai. Can they …

Malibu Adjacent is hosting a peace conference between China and Africa, and Notch has been banned from attending. That would be no problem, except Notch's old Army Secret Ops buddy, Captain ""Buck"" E…

The glamour of Hollywood is hitting the beaches of Malibu Adjacent: the fabulous stars, the adoring crowds, the death threats. Notch Johnson joins the case when actress Regina Streep is almost killed …

When the Cocktopuss sets shores on the beach, the mayor wants it as another wonder of the world. Chip sings for a rock band.

Vinnie Fellachio returns to terrorizes the beach. Chip's sister, Ava Rommel visits him, and puts the moves on B.J.

Notch gets honored by the Hawaiian Tropic so he and the gang go to Hawaii. Notch meets up with an old friend and discovers that his daughter is a drug lord growing Marijuana, Cocaine, Methadone, and …

Notch and his unit must stop a Russian terrorist.

Jamaica's boyfriend has a problem with gambling, and is majorly in debt. Since Jamaica's boyfriend doesn't have the money, he is told by the bookie that he will let it slide if he throws the game. W…

Rod returns and wants his revenge on everyone, Especially for B.J.; Chip's dog ""shitsu"" (sp?) arrives at Malibu Adjacent and challenges Steve.

The beach is terrorized by a gang of bad boys.

Notch hires his half Indian sister as a life guard and uses savages techniques to help the beach. B.J. is reunited with her mother Ima Cummings. But her (step) daddy butts in her life and threatens B…

Needing some R&R, the Gang heads to the tranquil Middle East. Their visit with Notch's Israeli counterpart, Noccus Johnstein, is cut short, however, when evil terrorist group HUMMUS kidnaps Notch. Can…

When an evil crime syndicate clones an operative to look like Notch, the Gang is suddenly seeing double. The real Notch Johnson must stop ""Evil Notch"" from wreaking havoc in Malibu Adjacent. Can Not…

The Nude-lympics come to Malibu Adjacent, and someone is killing beautiful, naked women because he feels they are 'Dirty'. Mayor Anita wants to cover up the story, but SPF-30 is at work cracking the …

Jamaica is chosen as the first black lifeguard in space aboard the shuttle <em>Catastrophe</em>; Notch goes undercover at the Robert Downey, Jr. Senior High School when a student hacks into the shuttl…

B.J. and Notch crashes on an island while riding in his airplane, Dr. Merlot decides to make them his throphys.

Jamaica has just come back from her vacation and came back with gifts, including a bottle that everyone was afraid of when she was there. Jamaica gives the bottle to B.J. and she opens it and becomes…

Notch must defend the honor of America in a three-quarter midget car race vs. a man from France. The Frenchman, who goes by the nickname ""The Frenchman"", is married to Notch's old flame, a beautiful…

When B.J. is impregnated and then abducted, Notch knows that there's trouble afoot. And when his old Vietnam/F.B.I. buddy Captain Enteneille warns Notch to stay off B.J.'s case, Notch knows that it's …

Quotes: Notch: ""Here's a picture of my head. And here's a picture of my face.""

Notch and the gang head to the Island of Bulimia by Tex Finklestein at ""UBM"" wanting higher ratings. When they get there, they are to play ""Penetration Island"", where the grand prize is $1,000,00…

Johnny Queefer returns to town to take on his dreams of becoming a broadway star. Johnny dances at one point with Porcelain and drops her and she cuts open her breasts and all the saline squirts out. …

Someone tries to kill rapper Larry ""Biggy"" Little, and Jamaica's new rapper boyfriend is blamed.

When Notch's gang finds out that B.J. has gone missing from her D.C. internship, the gang travels to D.C. to find her. Having almost given up, Notch and the SPF-30 finally get their BJ, who is alive b…

Notch is honored at the State Univeristy College of Malibu Adjacent (S.U.C.M.A., home of the Cocks) with the opening of a lavatory science building named after him. But all is not well. After a lifegu…

A villain named ""Heinous Anus"" (RuPaul) is making young men disappear from the beach, and they are all ending up in a place called ""Gaytrix"". Chip ends up being captured by Heinous Anus and taken…

Stinkfinger wants revenge on the people of the world because he didn't get workman's compensation because of an explosion that occured where he was working and he seeks revenge by trying to control th…

When foreign lifeguards start getting killed at the Lifeguard of the Year Convention, Notch is forced to watch over his Israeli counterpart, Noccus Johnstein.

Jamaica is shocked when Vinnie Fellachio claims to be the father she has never known.

Notch travels to Japan with Kimberlee, Chip and Porcelain for the Nagasaki Fried Chicken (NFC) Karaoke Championships. To Porcelain's dismay, the blonde Kimberlee gets all the attention from the press.…

Notch's old wet nurse Aunt Jizzy and company come to him with stories of Klan activity in South Malibu Adjacent and a scheme led by the notorious Bull Cracker to cheat them out of their homes. So Notc…

In a flashback to Notch's war days, we see how his commanding officer Colonel Kooze ""improperly disposed of"" the village of Tam Pon. Kooze implores Notch to ""never tell"" about this atrocity. Later…

Notch is convicted of the war crime and goes to jail, where he meets all sorts of unsavory characters, but soon he breaks out and begins his search for Colonel Kooze so he can clear his name. But ther…

""Master of disguise"" Notch Johnson is on the run and he spends some time hiding out at Aunt Jizzy's, where he learns that Kooze and Harry have conspired to move up Harry and Kimberlee's wedding date…