In the pilot, Bob hires a nanny for the kids who just so happens to be the woman he stood up at the prom. Meanwhile, Faith doesn't have a date for the homecoming dance.
It's nearing time for Petey's birthday party, and he wants to go to Birthdays, Inc. to have more fun, convinced that any party Bob and Liz throw will suck. It does. Laser tag with flashlights, Dirt Bikes: The Board Game, and Liz won't let them watch a bootlegged copy of Spider-Man 2. When all the guests try to leave, Bob goes downstairs to the basement and retreives Morty, an old living, talking dummy who's holding a grudge against Bob for leaving him there in the basement for 30 years. Later he takes over the Pitts house and throws them out, and it's up to them (and a beaver) to get their home back.
During a water heater explosion, Faith gets a large pipe stuck through her head, as this interferes with big plans to dance in a rock video. Public humiliation leads her to runaway form home and join a freak show, as her family must track her down.
After his car is ticketed and towed, Bob takes a bus to fight the parking ticket. No officer shows up, so he wins by default and leaves to take the bus home. But he boards the wrong bus--his bus is going to the prison. The family manages to get him out, but before they can leave, the prisoners riot and take the family hostage.
The Pitts join a square-dancing club suggested to them by two people who come to Liz and Bob's new store, which turns out to be a cover for a satanic cult.